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 > My Mom died today.

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noe-place

Somerset, Kentucky

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Posted: 02/09/14 08:27pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I'm sorry seems such a hollow thing to say but all of us who have loved ones passed have heard it. We say we're sorry because we're sorry for ourselves I guess. None of us want to lose anything, above all, the ones we love. I lost Dad in 1982 just as I was starting my career in law enforcement. I can remember how proud he was(as was Mom who I lost in '08). But our parents are all proud of us no matter what we do in life. It is OUR duty to become the best we could with our lives to honor how much they all gave us. Having lived a good, useful life is all they expected from us; to contribute as best we could in whatever area of life we chose to follow.





2324delk

Indiana

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Posted: 02/10/14 02:08am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

My Mother in law had the big mind killer for 15yrs or so.

I loved her like my own mom, because she treated me and my kids so good.

After my father in law had a very bad car wreck. I retired to help take care of them both. I did everything for my mother in law that you would for a small child

One day I told my wife we should go to town and buy her mom a milkshake.

We did and took it to her and visited for awhile, she died that night. My 3rd son was staying there at night then, poor guy got a real shock.

I tell you, I think about her almost every other day.

But I felt such a relief when she died, and so did my wife. Because we know she would not have wanted to live the way she was. And I was getting worn out from the struggle to get her to eat and keeping her clean. Besides that she could kick like a mule, and punch like a boxer.

Still miss her though.

Feeling relief is not a sin...

qtla9111

Monterrey, Mexico

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Posted: 02/10/14 05:05am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Never feel guilt for the loss of a loved one. No one can say where or when the final moment will come and no one can always be there. If that were true, there would be no life. This is a natural cycle, birth, life and death.

Be happy for the good times, sad for the not so good times, and remember your mother as the great person she was. Your brother is a good man, but I am sure had your mom lived with you it would have been the same situation.

We do what we can when we can. Now that she is at rest, you should also feel happy that you have your brother and celebrate life. Bless you.


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covetsthesun

missouri

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Posted: 02/10/14 07:20am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Thanks folks. Your kind words and advice have helped me considerably. I felt a lot of guilt (still have some) about not being a better daughter. I recognize now that it's the same feelings I've had for years... maybe if I'd been a better daughter my Mother would have loved me... maybe if I'd been a better daughter... you fill in the blanks. At 62... in my head... I know better. Little kids don't dictate how a parent acts.

My SIL thinks perhaps Mother didn't know how to love. I don't know. I know she favored the middle brother... the youngest brother who took care of her and found her... I'm pretty sure he's feeling like he's been dipped in battery acid. He's the one I feel the most sorrow for. I know that Mother is in a better place.. she's with Dad. I am really grateful that she had such an easy passage. Simply going to sleep is far better than many get.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences... it has been a great comfort. Truly it has.

cts

CA POPPY

Santa Clarita, CA, USA

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Posted: 02/10/14 08:49am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I suspect that the relationship with Mom is the most complex in our lives and it influences all of our other relationships. Mine wasn't perfect by a long shot, and we had her living with us the last four years of her life. I was at her side in the hospital at the end of her terrible final illness. As she released that last small breath, her face softened and all the tension left and she looked amazingly like a baby to me. Staring at the transformation, I was suddenly every woman who had held a newborn and also watched a parent die. I felt this rush back through time and space to the beginning of time. It was humbling and all of a sudden, I felt that I understood everything.

My sympathies in the loss of your mom. I know I will never feel the same about that experience again.


Judy & Bud (Judy usually the one talking here)
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fireman93514

Fallon NV

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Posted: 02/10/14 10:12am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I think guilt is a natural feeling at a moment like this, whether it is warranted or not. I know I felt it. Could I have done better for her? I don't know. I was the one who had to make the decision to pull the plug on the life support. Life goes on friends. Cherish your parents and family. Even after two and a half years it was hard to write this and a few tears did fall. DW and I lost both our moms in the same year.


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barbandwayne

Eastern Arkansas

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Posted: 02/10/14 11:20am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Everything you have said is so true. All the mixed emotions, relief, sadness all at the same time. Those of us who have been thru dementia/alzheimers fully understand. Please extend our sympathies to all your family. What you are feeling is so normal. I know we did all we could for my MIL yet we all are going thru the same emotions. Its so normal.

5er4ever

Ontario Canada

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Posted: 02/12/14 07:01am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Your mom raised some special people and will be with them for years to come.
I think I am going to go over and visit my mom today (about 4 times a week, I am lucky).

Take care.


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dreeder

Castle Rock, Co

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Posted: 02/12/14 07:09am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Sorry for what your going through.

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