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 > My Mom died today.

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covetsthesun

missouri

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:00pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

My Mom died in her sleep. She had diabetes, dementia and had to go live with my brother last fall. Dad's been gone for 5 years now. I believe passing in her sleep was a blessing for her. I believe she's with Dad now.

My poor brother... he had cooked her breakfast and went to wake her. He got the short end.

I feel like I lost my Mom years ago.. dementia is such a nasty thing. The "conversations" were mostly the same things over and over. I quit calling as much as I should... because it was just so hard to "talk" to her. I did call her a few days ago... thank heaven for that.

I don't know how to feel right now. The Mom I had...was gone a long time ago. The Mom of recent times... was like an endless loop recording... like those old dolls.. you pulled a string and out came sentences. Part of me cries. Part of me feels... "finally, it's over". I hurt for my brother... he's lost. I feel like I no longer have a reason to "go home". Or an obligation.

When Dad passed... my world fell apart. Dad was my hero. Mom... I became "the parent" at a young age.

I'm rambling. I know that we've never met...maybe someday... but I just felt I needed to come here to get some of the feelings out. Strange isn't it when you can't tell your family how you feel.

thanks for listening
cts

Mountain Mama

N. TX

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:20pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I'm sorry for your loss and even though you feel you lost her sometime ago, you will still have some grieving times and that's ok. Stay in touch with your brother even if you don't go visit very often.


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covetsthesun

missouri

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:31pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Thanks MM. I will stay in touch with my brother. Love him dearly. I just feel numb right now.

cts

dspencer

Missouri

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:33pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I am so sorry for your loss and i understand exactly where your coming from. My mom died about 13 years ago in a nursing home. I always said she actually died about a year and half prior to thas as she never knew anyone at all during the final 18 months of her life. I too didn't visit her in the nursing home as often as i should have. While i did visit quite often not near as much as i should have, after all she devoted her life to us kids and i was the youngest of 4.

Mich F

Plantation, Fl

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:36pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I'm also sorry to hear of your loss. My mother who died in 1999, was also "gone", long before she died. I really hope you try to talk to someone in your family about your feelings, I think it will help. I think it's "normal" to have a sense of relief in a situation like this.


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Pawz4me

North Carolina

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:36pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I'm so sorry for your loss. FWIW, given the circumstances I think it's perfectly normal to feel conflicting emotions.


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covetsthesun

missouri

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:39pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Thanks Dspencer. My brother is the better person I think. He shouldered a lot of responsibility taking care of my Mom. My SIL too. I live 1300 miles away...but still feel guilt over not being there. I was going to call her... just thought I'd have another day. And I know better.

If anyone out there has a parent or other loved one you've been putting off calling... do it now. You may not have another day or another hour. I wish I'd done a little more.

cts

covetsthesun

missouri

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Posted: 02/08/14 02:42pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Thanks Mich and Pawz... I do have a lot of conflicting emotions. Relief... profound sadness... anger over what could have been but wasn't... numb, but still feeling like I want to curl up.

I truly appreciate the kind thoughts...

cts

dturm

Lake County, IN

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Posted: 02/08/14 03:55pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

We lost my SIL several years ago from an early onset dementia, she was only 56. When she died, she wasn't Karen any more. We "shared" custody with my other SIL for a few years before her death, so we know what it's like. My wife still has occasional (very infrequent now) thoughts about what if, or wish I had...

It does get better.

Doug & Sandy


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Desertboy

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Posted: 02/08/14 04:22pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Sure sorry to hear that Buddy, Even though we've never met, I said a little prayer just for you and your family. It will take some time to heal and get your mind straight. I understand how you feel, I lost my Dad last April. Just remember that we care about you and will be thinking about you.

Will


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